Sleepless in my bed

Most nights, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't seem to concentrate on more than one thing at a time; my mind races 90 miles a minute, every second of every day. Why? Because I bare the burdens of other people, take on things that don't belong to me.

If I get five hours of sleep on any given night, without waking up the next morning feeling like I've been fighting for my life, I'm doing good. I wake up totally exhausted, something has got to give.

If my mind isn't racing about this son or that son, this thing or that thing, how can I push myself harder to make my dream become reality faster, so that I can help all of my sons or this person or that person, with this thing or that. Where will my life be in a year, will the relationship I'm in stay together or fall apart (basing it on past relationships and hurts). It's always something. People love to call and talk to me about one thing or the other and I love listening and giving advice. Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm going to give you TRUTH, it may go your way, it may not. But you get the truth.

And it's like I see a problem of a family member or friend and I feel that I must find a way to fix it. Did they ask me to? No? But if I see it's bothering or hurting them, then it bothers me. If I see one of them going down the wrong path or that someone is out to hurt them, I feel it's my job to step in and derail it. What is this thing that plagues me?! Why can't I just worry about myself and the ones that live in my home? Those things alone is enough to keep my mind occupied. It's like I can't help myself. But I have to find a way or I know that I may self destruct.

I carry to much in my heart and my head. Some how, some way, I have to filter out the things that don't concern me, only intervene in extreme emergencies.

I am not Superwoman, I can't save the world and the sad things is, no one has asked me to.




-COCO-