Don't sell him short

*sighing*  I had to let out a deep sigh, before writing this blog.  Why?  Because I am guilty of it, as I'm sure some of you are.
I have been hurt, disappointed, manipulated, verbally and some what physically abused in relationships, some of them all within one relationship.  I stop dating for a while, or sometimes I would date, just for the mere fact of inflicting the pain on them that someone had inflicted on me.  Was it right?  Not at all, but at the time I didn't know how else to deal with it.  You live and you learn.
I has taken me, until this very day (at the age of 39) to say, "Stop it, he is not to blame for what the last person has done to you."
It has been been a year and seven months, since I have started dating again.  For a year, this gentlemen has been nothing but sweet, kind, wonderful, totally and completed understanding, and has tried to love the pain away.  Me on the other hand, have been bitchy, complaining, comparing him to another, waiting on the other shoe to drop, doing everything that I can to push him away.  And for what?  Because I'm scared to death that he will turn out like the last one.  It's not fair to him and it's not fair to me.  He is a gentlemen (opens car doors and all other doors), he loves God, he works damn hard, he brings me flowers on any given day, just because, will cook my favorite meal, get up in the middle of the night to satisfy whatever craving I'm having (I'm not pregnant), just an all around good guy.  So WHAT'S MY PROBLEM.
I've spent so much time waiting on the other shoe to drop, that I haven't been enjoying life.  Today it ends.  I will love him as much as he loves me, soothe his hurts and scars, as much as he has soothed mine, spoil him the way he spoils me.  He deserves my best, as he has given me his.  I have to remind myself that HE is not HIM.
So remember, in your next relationship, don't blame this guy for what the past guy has done.  Even if it doesn't work out, live in the moment and enjoy life.  From this day forward, I will not SELL HIM SHORT.

-COCO-